wow!

So after the last blog I realized I keep thinking about stuff I have no control over... I realize Malakai is mine and no one can take him from me. so why be so afraid of it?? there is no reason. so now on to living everyday to the fullest and being there for my son. who is my everything! I never thought someone else could make me so happy! now on to figuring something out for school. since I'm not being able to get a job I decided now is the perfect time to go to school. now to choose a degree... hmmmmmm.....

First blog....

Wow I never thougth I would be doing this but I keep forgetting things so I thought I would do this so I can remember :)

I have a great group of friends who are moms and seeing them act/talk with their kids makes me want to do that with Kai but I just don't feel attached or something- I'm scared I will lose him- I've lost everything important to me in the past so I'm scared about him which it totally stupid but totally honest. I'm hoping this changes and does so soon.

I never thought I would be a mom let alone a single mom. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. I love being his mom but I so could use someones shoulder once in a while.
I didn't think I was so negative about all this maybe I'm just really tired, because I'm really not negative about being a mom. I love it! Wouldn't change it for anything in the world. I love my lil man more than I've ever loved anything before.